A note: This piece is part 1 of 2. Read part 2, "Bringing Care into Recruiting and Retention Work.” The work here is not personal; this is not about your character. To do systemic and cultural work, you must do the individual work of exorcising internalized racism. Open your hearts and minds; do not shut down. None of us can escape this work.
“Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.”
Relationship-building is synonymous with building trust. So, when I hear folks say, “It is so hard to get started on equity and justice work” in their organization, I know immediately it is because the relationships aren’t there or yet where they need to be. The mutual gaze of humanity is not fully active, and therefore, trust is not available. How could it be?
““The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect, to look at ourselves honestly and gently.””
If racial equity and justice work is transactional, or above all else about your own self-image or your organization’s relevance, this work cannot be done effectively or sustainably. Similarly, if you only see Black women/partnerships to serve you, qualify your “wokeness” and “save” you around equity and justice work—most likely without adequate, equitable reciprocity and attribution—then you are actively practicing white supremacy and prolonging symptomatic internalized racism… even as you aim to do the opposite.
Here are examples of my own work being used without ample care, reciprocity, or attribution recently…
Over the last 15 weeks, since the pandemic struck followed by the brutal events that elicited the uprisings and protests of Black Lives Matter, I have worked intentionally to make my coaching advice and training topics (see New Pathways) as accessible as possible. I wrote a piece, “On making authentic statements in response to Black Lives Matter” to support the response to the Black Lives Matter movement. Because the time we are in requires doing all that we can in our own spheres of influence towards our collective humanity to reduce ripples of harm, I wanted whomever might benefit from my work to have access to it as a starting point. Publishing my work online does not replace staying in good relationships around the work. It’s meant to serve as an invitation to engage me in a meaningful process around the work. And even with the topics at hand, I have had to deal with persistent racism—among undeniably unexpected ripples of affirmation, gratitude, and impact.
First, in response to an article I posted on Facebook (this same piece on making authentic statements in response to Black Lives Matter), I received a long, nostalgic racist comment on that post. This person used my wall to lament Quaker Oats’ removal of Aunt Jemima and all she stood for in White Americans (in that “beloved” mammy trope), which some might consider “racist light.” It sent me into a visceral range of emotions for two hours. As this happened, I also saw my white allies stand by within a varied range of responses that still didn’t fully follow the “believe Black women” and “disrupt white supremacy” promises I had heard from them recently that week. I didn’t see any real urgency or regard for the impact that live racist incident had on me or others watching. And still the follow up is not there while this (white) woman writes to me directly (DM) asking in a quizzical, but unengaged and non-reflective, manner how she upset me and my “friends.”
Second, I recall a week that was chock full of incidents where people used my work without checking in at all. This also happens with our minority and women-run organization’s logo, work, name, and supplier diversity program status (as minority and women-run organization with the Commonwealth) more times than I care to share (or probably know about). I am continually surprised by the ways in which folks repeat the same cycles and patterns they say they want to disrupt.
Third, a deeply needed swell of small fundraisers popped up, some in relationship with the organization and some by total surprise. I expect folks who are in community and/or relationship with me and who are dedicated to anti-racism work to check in about how to best plug their ideas into my work or BRIDGE's work. I expect people to check in and ask about how they can best serve the mission-based work that is already in progress or in need of funding and volunteer support. Ask. Listen. Work alongside. Extra labor comes when that isn’t done. The touch can be as light or as constant as mutually decided.
Indeed, as a consultant, I often only hear how my work or BRIDGE’s logo is being used after the fact. This happens even with folks who believe (and share) that they are in deep relationship with me and/or with BRIDGE. I trip over my own work in colleagues’ reports, articles, newsletters, or award announcements when they receive acknowledgements and awards for their equity and inclusion work that I have partnered with and supported them in. Zero communication or consent. Or, even worse, when things are tense because I confront or discover another occurrence of this, I am told my work has been found “useful” and “good” as a consolation. Often, I am asked to share my work (and let it be shared) as if my value rests on the worthiness others find and can discern in my authentic leadership and professional and life experiences. I especially struggle with this because this scenario immediately centers this white superior gaze. This gaze is positioned to judge my intelligence, competence, and value versus the incredible positive seismic impact it might have. I observe how even that “assessment” of me/my work will shift as many times as it needs to in order to serve the person who assumes the judging seat.
Given the moment we are in, in this pandemic and time of change, I am choosing to continue to publish my reflections and thoughts because they are meant to be instructive and accessible to those who are not attached to organizations and businesses (and therefore who cannot afford or avail themselves of coaching at this level) and to help my clients and partners forge ahead—budget or no budget—and because lives are at stake. They are also accessible through my personal and nonprofit websites for my coaching clients to use as guideposts, guardrails, and points of deeper reflection and insight from my perspective of stewarding this experience. HOWEVER, for those who can afford to pay me and reap the benefits from this sharing, you should consider how to compensate the value of my influence in your work commensurate to the impact it will have for the immediate and distant future (you can pay me on Patreon here!). And spread the word on this appraisal as well as tell me all about it, tag me and the organization I lead as the source of this work!
“Yes, please help the message go viral, but let’s do it together in responsible and accountable ways!”
If you’d like to share my work, consider (and ask me!) how best to do it. Let’s discover together how I might benefit on a personal and professional level from you doing so. I need to know about and participate in this follow up process. Don’t make assumptions. Yes, please help the message go viral, but let’s do it together in responsible and accountable ways! Practicing the craft of treating each other with mutual respect and dignity in accountable ways should not be a well kept secret or a far-reaching goal. Pay it forward. Lead by example and practice.
To White people I say, if it isn't yours: Don’t take it, don't abuse it, don't devalue it while stealing it, don't devalue it while benefiting from it, don’t take it for granted, don’t plagiarize, and don't appropriate it as if it is your own or you have some right to own, direct, manage or covet it. As I have been writing this week and revised and revised and revised due to daily experiences, I discussed this with the White folks in my life who have committed to the work to remain in alignment within our partnerships and to listen and course correct time and time again. One of them said they heard the same message that same day, Saturday, from Sonia Renee Taylor on Instagram. Listen to it. In fact, she says these same things in different ways due to her daily experiences. “STOP,” she says. “Whiteness is entitlement… The nature of whiteness is to exploit and extract and overdo, overuse and over take what is offered to them... Whiteness doesn’t have any experience of balance...” I ask how many of us Black women are doing this battle and labor and trying to carry the work while navigating fresh and old layers of trauma? I know the answer I believe to be true—all in one form or another.
If you are another Black, Indigenous, or person of color like me, do not get sucked into the fishbowl of white supremacy. Let's not be the crabs in a barrel. Our ancestors know of joy and abundance and fountains of energy, wisdom, and tribal knowledge. It is all available to us. The scarcity mindset has been drilled into us all through this capitalist culture, much like the way fear has been given to us. We absolutely don’t have to adopt it.
As I have said, this reflection is not unique to me as a Black leader, Black professional, Black woman, woman, or leader of a minority and women run nonprofit. The examples I’ve shared demonstrate the need for anti-racist and justice and inclusion work that has to happen ALL of the time by everyone toward more equity and justice and yes ultimately peace and liberation for all of us!
Recently I published the New Pathways series and deliberately planned to end it on a BRIDGE TRJ night. The working title of the final New Pathways Lab was “Decentering Whiteness” because we live in a white supremacy culture (the water we swim in), but when the moment arrived I corrected myself. In the context of the first week of protests in the Black Lives Movement uprising coming to an end, I changed the title to “Centering Blackness and subtitled it, dismantling white supremacy.” That is the pivot we all must make over and over again. If any of us persist in prioritizing whiteness and centering the care of white feelings, change, and growth, we will persist in holding up white supremacy. As we read media coverage of race equity efforts, join in more anti-racism work even more deeply than before, and further develop an internal and external race analysis, rooted in our everyday work, examine how these principles can be put more into practice.
I share this reflection because throughout the 12 years that I’ve run a nonprofit focused on catalyzing transformation and integration, this has unfortunately been the story more times than I would care to tally in big ways and small. Time and time again, I find myself speaking to the importance of following Black Women’s leadership and “working alongside versus welcoming in.” This concept is so hard to have stick or take root. I know that it is due to deeply held and unexamined norms around privilege, value, and entitlement for both Black people and White people. Yes, policies will hold us accountable, but I still hold that hearts can and need to shift. That is the most important healing and restorative work we can do to uphold these policies and shift cultural norms.
So this is a note to Black people, Indigenous people, Asian heritage people, and others identified as people of color the practice of Acknowledge, Align, Amplify, Ask, Activate also involves attribution. And it involves being paid for the value of your work (and possibly more due to inequities stacked for generations and in the here and now) before there is need for a demand, a retroactive transaction, an invoice, or when things get out of hand, a “cease and desist” or lawyers.
To our colleagues and accomplices: Pause. Reflect. Ask. Work alongside. That is an easier and more fruitful step forward in relationship, justice, and equity. It will involve losing privilege and access. Pay it forward.
What’s worse than the need for repair work around lack of care, reciprocity, and attribution? To me, it’s the harm and damage caused to valued relationships. Personally, professionally, and organization to organization. Relationship-building and retention of the trust required in relationships is at once about demonstrating care by sharing and just regularly checking in. Legally, safety in community, work, and everywhere is about freedom from harm either directly, by threat, or by perception. Heartfully, safety is about this mutual gaze of humanity among and across personal, social and cultural identities—not only the baseline respect, professionalism, and collegiality required. Pay it forward.
Building relationships within and among diverse identities is foundational to equity and inclusion work. This is a given. And once you build a connection or relationship, you must also intentionally work to stay in relationship. You have to continually ask what someone’s experience is and what their needs and vision are, which to me is about being culturally reflexive (not just aware and competent). And a final message for all of us, please remember to listen; don’t defend, deflect or deny. Double down and listen! It’s just about being an accountable, mindful, and compassionate human being, colleague, and friend. Pay it forward.
© 2020 Gwendolyn VanSant